Sophia's Story, Santa Margherita, Italy

My grandmother lives in Italy, on the coast near Santa Margherita, and my family has gone to stay with her every summer. There is a path from her house that winds down into the town that I’ve followed so many times that I cannot count them. One summer, when I was 18, I was walking down into town and noticed a boy my age outside one of the houses that line the path. He had his back to me and was sawing a piece of wood.  Although I couldn’t see his face I knew I’d never seen him before-over the years I had met everyone close to my age that lived in the area. I didn’t think too much about it and continued down the path. I spent a few hours looking around the shops and then started the climb back up the path.

He was still outside when I passed again. This time he looked over to me and asked if I had any ‘birra’ in my bags. I did, as it happened, and I lifted a bottle from my bag and showed it to him. His face lit up with a smile and he asked if we could have a drink together. I nodded, walked over and handed him the beer.

I know this sounds crazy but he seemed to have a glow about him. I don’t know what it was but he was just…well, he was just beautiful. He had blazing blue eyes, which is a bit unusual for an Italian man. I felt immediately comfortable in his presence and as we sat down and started talking I felt like I could tell him anything. I felt wrapped in this feeling of safety and trust that I find it hard to describe. This was highly unusual for me as I had always been quite shy and nervous around boys.

As we drank he told me that his name was Matteo and that he was here staying with his father for a while. His parents had divorced when he was very small and he had always lived with his mother in Trieste. He and his father had recently become closer and he decided to come to live with him for a while. I told him about my grandmother and my life back in England. I asked what he was building and he said that his grandfather had built boats and that he thought he’d give it a try. His plan was to build it and have it sailing before the end of the summer. We parted ways not long after we finished our beers, him back to building the boat and me off to meet my family. As I walked away I felt as if he had transferred his glow onto me. I felt like I had fallen in love.

Every day for the next few weeks I walked down into town and back, always bringing beers for Matteo and myself to share. With every day my feelings for him grew and when the time came for my family to go on our annual trip to Venice I was so in love that I couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing Matteo for a week. I begged my father to let me stay but he was having none of it. I reluctantly told Matteo that he’d have to get his own beer for a week. He smiled and wished us a safe journey. That week in Venice was the most miserable of my life (well, up until that point it was). I was desperate to get back to Matteo.

On the day that we returned I couldn’t wait to see him. I practically ran down the path and was very disappointed to find that he was not outside of his house. The boat was covered with a tarp and I walked over to it while trying to decide whether I should knock on the front door. I’d never actually been inside the house before or even met his father so I felt a bit reluctant to knock. I chickened out and went back to my grandmother’s house.

I went back the next day and this time he was outside working on the boat. He was very happy to see me and said he’d not had a beer all week because it didn’t seem right to have one without me. I asked him if he ever went out in the evenings or did he work on the boat all day and all night? He laughed and said that he’d not gone out much in the evenings because he didn’t know anyone other than me and his father. I told him that my childhood friend Elena and I were meeting at a café that evening and asked him to come along. I was so nervous about asking but I thought it would sound better to be going out as a group with Elena. That way it didn’t sound like a date. He agreed and we arranged to meet in front of his house later that evening.

I hadn’t mentioned Matteo to Elena. I don’t know why exactly, I guess because I didn’t know what he thought of me. I felt a bit like a silly girl with a crush. Elena’s family lived next door to my grandmother so we had known each other all of our lives. She was very outgoing and a lot of fun. I knew that there wouldn’t be any awkward silences with her around. We had a great time that night and it became the regular routine for the three of us to go out in the evenings. My love for Matteo continued to grow the more I got to know him. He continued to be friendly and affectionate but didn’t give me any indications that he thought of me as more than a friend.

As the summer came to an end my family began to pack up to go home. I hoped upon hope that Matteo would tell me that he was in love with me before I left. On my last night the three of us went out as usual. Matteo and Elena both promised to write me and I invited them to come to England to visit sometime. We said our tearful goodbyes (we were all a bit tipsy) and I walked home disappointed that nothing had happened between me and Matteo. I had a vague hope that he would show up at my grandmother’s door in a last minute declaration of love but it didn’t happen. I cried all the way back to England.

I wrote a few times to both Matteo and Elena and I only got one response back from Elena. She told me that she and Matteo had continued the tradition of going out every night and although I felt jealous I didn’t think anything would happen-on one of our nights out I had asked Elena if she thought Matteo was handsome and she said no, he was too tall and skinny for her taste-so I didn’t spend much time thinking about the possibility of the two of them together. That year seemed to go by in slow motion. I couldn’t wait until the next summer and my return to Italy.

The day finally came when I was back in Italy and I couldn’t wait to go to Matteo’s house to see him. I told my grandmother that I would unpack my suitcase later and ran off down the path. I expected to see him outside his house working on the boat just as if no time had passed at all. The boat was still there, covered with a tarp but he was no where to be seen.

Once again I was faced with the prospect of knocking on the door-I never did go inside the house or meet his father the previous summer. This time I went up and knocked. His father answered the door and told me that Matteo was at work. He had gotten a job at a café in town, the same one that we used to go to for our evening excursions. I went down into town and sat at an outside table at the café. I put on my sunglasses and faced away from the door to disguise myself so that I could surprise Matteo when he came over.

He came over to take my order and when I turned around and took off my glasses he was very surprised indeed. He pulled me up and hugged me and told me how good it was to see me and how much he and Elena had missed me. I wondered for a moment about him and Elena, not liking the sound of it, but I pushed the feeling aside as my heart sang with joy at seeing my Matteo again. We chatted briefly before he had to go wait on another table.

While I was waiting for him to come back I spotted Elena walking up to the café. I decided to surprise her just the same so I put my sunglasses back on and held the menu in front of my face. This time it was me who was surprised to see her run up to Matteo, throw her arms around him and kiss him. The customer he was waiting on laughed and Matteo looked embarrassed. He looked over at me and I heard him tell Elena to go see if the lady in the corner with the big sunglasses needed anything. Apparently Elena worked there, too.

I felt frozen to the spot and my heart felt like it was shattering into a million tiny pieces. She came over and I fought back tears as she enveloped me in a hug and told me how happy she was to see me. I quickly made my excuses, saying that I had to get back to my grandmother’s house-I couldn’t wait to get out of there. She made me promise to come back later that evening when she and Matteo got off work so that we could have a drink like old times.

I considered not going back but there was a part of me that hoped that I had got it wrong, maybe I was reading too much into what I had seen. Obviously the two of them had grown very close and I reasoned that friends hug and kiss each other, don’t they? Well, maybe not on the lips but I was still hoping that I had the wrong end of the stick. 

Unfortunately, I had the right end of the stick and it was plunged further into my heart as the two of them told me that evening that they were in love and were planning to get married at the end of the summer. They apologised for not writing to me but explained that they had been so caught up in love for each other that they’d not had time for anything else. I lied through my teeth and told them that I was happy for them but I was consumed with sadness, jealousy, anger and was completely heartbroken. I tried to stay away from them as much as I could that summer, pretending that I had a lot of family obligations but I really just moped around inside my grandmother’s house most of the time. I made up an excuse to go back to England early so that I didn’t have to attend their wedding.

I haven’t really seen them since. I haven’t found anyone else that I love as much as I love him and I just can’t bear to see the two of them happy together. My grandmother gives me updates from time to time-they are still married and have two children. Apparently he still hasn’t finished the boat.

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Artwork has been created by the amazingly talented and generous Valentina Ramos. Check out her blog: Feeling Inspired